For the last couple of days my bed has been seducing me.
“Girl you know you want this. Take off your clothes and get on top of me.”
And I finally gave in. For four days straight, I became a hoe for my bed. I got turned out by my own bed. In full and conscious knowledge of the sin, I lay down and succumbed to the Devil.
Chapter 7:3-5 of the Book of Thou Shall Not says:
“Thou shall not layeth in thy bed as Aretha’s saggy tities layeth on her stomach for it is detestable. The Devil may tempt you with his demons Xanax, Vicodin and Nyquil but thou wereth not created to wander in the wasteland of drug-induced stupor. For thou wereth provided the example of the great Prophet Diddy (cannot stopeth, will not stopeth) to diddy-bopeth your way down your own path. Let not thy sorrow become overwhelming, but followeth thy heart in pursuit of happiness.”
On the fourth day of my sinnin’ with the linen I remembered those verses and felt convicted. So I threw my bed cover off started jerkin my ass to the shower.
P.S. For those who don’t know about the jerk dance I present to you:
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