I have often thought about quitting my job and entering the game show/or talk show/or court show circuit to support myself. If I didn’t have so much self-esteem and knew how to cook Chicken Tetrazinni I would consider doing Maury Povich (click title link for explanation). I had a roommate who moved out without paying any of our joint bills. I'm thinking Judge Judy.
My game show strategy is pretty well thought through. I have developed a system of study with the same keen sense of mind as the mightiest Samurai. I would sign up online for tryouts to all the game shows I can stand to watch. Jeopardy. Wheel of Fortune. Who Wants to be a Millionaire, etc. And then, the fun part, I would bone up on all sorts of useless, inane trivia facts and figures. I would be all over Wikipedia and You Tube. I’d speed read the dictionary. Browse the Encyclopedia Britannica on the subway. Peruse maps of the world at the coffee shop.
Once I felt I had a respectable amount of useless facts, I would study strategy. I would try to find all the episodes with the Jeopardy top-record world champion Ken what's-his-name and analyze his buzzer technique. I would apply the finest statistical tests to estimate the thumb to buzzer ratio.
I have these fleeting thoughts on the rare occasions when I happen to have the opportunity to lean against my closed office door and slowly practice my yoga breathing exercises. I block out the ringing telephone, the loud conversations from junior staffers, the low sound of voices from the legislative hearing on my t.v. and think:
What is the three penny opera?
Who is Margaret Cho?
What is cardiopulmonary resuscitation?
Who is d'artagnan?
What is the Djurgardsfarjan ferry (shout out to Rose Nyland!)
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