My family has a Christmas Tradition of continuously eating. Beginning on the 24th and lasting through the 26th, me and my relations have a carbohydrate and sugar-infused orgy. We have a Christmas Eve fish fry, Christmas morning brunch, Christmas dinner, Christmas dessert (in my family dessert is its own category), and a Day-After-Christmas leftover buffet.We.Loves.To.Eat.
I have included for your reference a handy body reference guide. Please note: my body blooms from the first picture on the left to the second picture from the right in a matter of four days. I know you may not think it much, but have you ever actually felt the fat depositing itself on your hips? I swear to you, I have actually felt my circulatory system deliver a freshly digested cellulite patch of Grandmama's peach cobbler and ice cream to my hips and ass!
My Cousin Rocky from East Detroit has his own, treasured Christmas tradition. Now mind you Rocky reminds me of the Notorious BIG, not only because he's big and dark, but because he breathes like he just got done running up a couple flights of stairs when he talks to you. (Don't front: don't tell me I was the only one who could tell Biggie was fat from the way he was rapping on Juicy.)
Anyways...
Rocky makes a point of weighing himself directly before he starts eating on December 24th and right after his last bite on December 26th.
One holiday this happened:
December 24, 2000
Rocky steps on scale. Scale quietly sighs and shows 375 llbs.
December 26, 2000
Rocky slowly eases himself onto scale. Leans on counter to rest. Scale growns under pressure and urgently flashes 405 llbs.
20 Pounds! That negro gained 20 pounds in 4 days!
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